When Men Have Miscarriages: A Recommendation

Dave Deets, When Men Have Miscarriages: Finding Hope Amidst Silent Pain. Independently Published, 2022. 100 Pages.

Miscarriage isn't talked about. While miscarriage is a common problem, resources to help couples process the loss are scarce. Even less than scarce, are books written specifically for how men deal with miscarriage. 

How do men process miscarriage? How can a man comfort his wife as she grieves? What are some practical ways to communicate miscarriage to other children in the family? Dave Deets contributes a volume of theological, pastoral, and personal reflections on this overlooked topic.

Deets' book consists of an introduction, five chapters, a postlude, a "Frequently Wondered-About Questions," and an addendum for pastors.

1--It's Just a Miscarriage

2--It Happens to a lot of People

3--It's Different but the Same

4--"No Catcher?"

5--Finding Hope 

Dave Deets is no stranger to the topic of miscarriage. He and his wife, Kimberly, have gone through four of them. Chapter one is the story of their first miscarriage. Sprinkled within the narrative are reflections, advice, and pastoral assurances. 

In the second chapter, Deets engages with four different perspectives people have on miscarriage: 1) God is Judging You, 2) You Are Better Off Not Having It, 3) It Happens to a lot of People, 4) You Just Need to Get Back on the Horse . Deets responds to each of these problematic perspectives with biblical remedies. 

Chapter three offers practical things that husbands and wives can do to help each other through the miscarriage process.

How to navigate miscarriage with your other children is the topic addressed in the fourth chapter. Some touching portions come in the form of Deets' two sons, Caleb and Andrew, coping with the loss of an unborn sister, Abby. Andrew's response, in particular, forced Deets to face his losses, ultimately leading to the writing of this book.

The final chapter is about hope after miscarriage. Deets walks us through Colossians 1:1-3:17, explaining the text and making relevant application.  We learn about life, hope, rejoicing, encouragement, identity and focus. Through it all, Christ is our all. Christ is our sufficiency. 

In his "Frequently Wondered-About Questions," Deets addresses questions that he hasn't covered yet, like "What if they won't talk to me?"and "What about the Grandparents?" He also lists helpful biblical passages and recommends ministries. The addendum for pastors covers how the local church pastor and help families through miscarriage.

Don't be deterred by the title of this book.  It is for everyone--man and woman, those who have experienced miscarriage and those who need to help those who have miscarried. The Gospel is central and hope in Christ is frequently offered to the reader. When Men Have Miscarriages is a timely, beneficial and pioneering work. Deets weaves practical steps, pertinent scripture, and personal story together for a superb treatment of a difficult and neglected topic.

While I am a newly-wed, and don't yet have children, I found this book informative and illuminating. The addendum for pastors, especially, was personally profitable. I feel more equipped to shepherd my people through miscarriage.  

I wholeheartedly recommend When Men Have Miscarriages to you.